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The jokes you are about to read are for adults 18 years of age or older with a very strong stomach and a very strong heart. If you have a problem with issues of race, violence, pedophilia, cannibalism, feces, masturbation, mutilation of corpses, sadomasochism, sodomy, spousal abuse, or anything considered offensive or taboo by modern society... please click your back button and DO NOT READ ON. For everyone else, happy to be a part of this gutter called Earth...

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Joke of the Day Archives Page 7 (Nov 2003 - Jan 2004)

January 13th, 2004 Updates

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter. - Cobb, Michigan

Why do women get married?
So they can stop giving blowjobs. - kolb9

One day this blonde was walking her dogs and this guy said to her, "Nice dogs what are their names?" She said "Timex and Rolex." He siad, "Cool, what kind of dogs are they?" She said "Duhhhh they're watch dogs!" - Amber

What do eating pussy and being in the mafia have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit. - Tim, New Mexico

Why did God stop making whites?
He found out it was easier to sandblast blacks. - Tim, New Mexico

Why do hippos have sex underwater?
How else do you keep a forty pound pussy wet?

A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away." Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know." The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while..." Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know." The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay." Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know." She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...." Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!" - Tony, Ohio

What's the difference between Jesus and a Picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus. - Kris M, California

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind, two, you didn't read your homework, and three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed." - Michelle, Ohio

What's the opposite of Christopher R**ves?
Christopher W*lken. - Katie J., Texas

Bad News: A man jumped out of a plane.
Good News: He had a parachute on.
Bad News: It didn't work.
Good News: There was a haystack below him.
Bad News: A pitchfork is sticking out of the haystack.
Good News: He missed the pitchfork.
Bad News: He missed the haystack. - Jerry W, New Mexico

A man goes into the doctor's office and tells the doctor, "Doctor! My left nut is blue!" So the doctor examines it and then tells the man, "I'm sorry, but you have a very serious disease. We must take out that testicle." The man goes, "Oh hell no. Fuck that!" so the doctor just tells the man to think it over. Two days later, the man comes back and gets his left nut taken off. Then, after a few weeks, the man comes back, and goes, "Doctor, my right nut is blue!" So the doctor says, "We'll have to take that one out also." The man thinks it over again, and decides that having no testicles is better than dying so he goes and has another operation. Things go good for a month or two, but then he comes back and tells the doctor, "Doctor, my penis is blue!" and the doctor shakes his head and says, "You know the drill..." but the man says, "Well how the heck am i going to pee?" and the doctor tells him that they can put a tube in him and he can pee out of a tube. The man sadly agrees to get his penis amputated. Six months after that operation, the man comes in the doctor's office, furious. "Doctor, my damn tube is blue!" The doctor looks at him, looks down at the tube, and says, "Lemme check those jeans that you're wearing..." - Jerry W, New Mexico

- Josh B, Rhode Island

December 19th, 2003 Updates

Why don't blacks and mexicans have sex?
Because they're afraid their kids would be too lazy to steal. - Dildo Thomas, Michigan

This Pedophile was driving down the street and saw a little boy walking. The guy pulls over to the curband offers the boy some candy if he comes in his car. The boy replies "Shit mister, if you give me the whole bag, I'll cum in yer face" - Dildo Thomas, Michigan

How does an Italian know he has a flat tire?
Dago Wop Wop. - Dildo Thomas, Michigan

This guy's wife is looking in the mirror and says "Honey.... my teeth are yellow, my boobs are sagging, I have stretch marks, and I'm gettin wrinkles... tell me something to make me feel good about myself..." The husband replies "Well.... you have perfect eyesight." - GrimeyBitch, Pennsylvania

How many blacks does it take to shingle a roof?
It depends on how you cut them. - Jahrod

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged. - Jahrod

What does Jeffrey Dahmer do after he finishes eating his vegetables?
He throws away the wheelchairs. - Ben G, MA

What is the difference between a Volvo and a Mercedes?
Princess Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Volvo. - Ben G, MA

What is the one word that starts with a "N" and ends with a "R" that you never want to call a black man?
Neighbor. - J. May, Florida

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?
Wipe it off and say you're sorry! - Jo W, England

Why is Osama bin Laden afraid of all of his wives?
Because when they open their legs, he sees Bush. - John V

How many Polish people does it take to put in a light bulb?
Five. One to hold the bulb and four to turn the ladder. - John V

There was this woman, and she was found pregnant with triplets. But before she could give birth, she got shot in the stomach 3 times. When she went to the hospital, doctors said that she and the triplets would be just fine, but they did not find the bullets that she was shot with. She ends up having two girls and a boy. 13 years later one of the girls goes to the mother and says "Mommy, I pissed a bullet" and the mother says "Don't worry about that, there's nothing wrong with you." Then the other girl says the same thing, and the mother says the same thing back. Then the boy goes to the mother. The mother says "Let me guess, you peed a bullet." But the boy says "No, I jerked off and shot the dog!" - John V

What do you add to pink to make it purple?
A tighter grip. - Eric C, California

How do you kill one million flies all at once?
Hit an Ethiopian over the head with a shovel.

NASA was getting ready to send up another rocket manned by a monkey. The NAACP had decided that it was unfair that NASA had sent up white people, monkeys, and other animals but never a black man. NASA agreed to send a black man up with the monkey. All they requested is that the black man show up on the day of the launch. Shortly after take-off, the black man observed the monkey checking his watch and proceeding to adjust some gauges and flip some switches. He then removed a small note from his pocket, read it, and returned it to his pocket. After a short while, again the black man observed the monkey checking his watch, adjusting some gauges, flipping some switches, and reading his note. The black man realized that he had not been given any duties to perform while in space, and wondered what the monkeys note said. This time he waited for the monkey to perform his duties and when the monkey removed the note from his pocket, he read it. "Don't Forget To Feed The Nigger." - E. Foresythe, New York

What do you call a black guy in a tree full of monkeys?
Branch Manager. - E. Foresythe, New York

How do you circumcise a priest?
Kick the alterboy in the jaw.

What's long and hard on a black guy?
The Third grade.

What do you call a bunch of white people running down the hill?
An avalanche.
What do you call a bunch of black people running down the hill?
A mudslide.
What do you call a bunch of latino people running down the hill?
A jail break.

What's red and slimy and crawls UP a woman's leg?
A homesick abortion.

November 30th, 2003 Updates

What do peroxide blondes and African men have in common?
They both have black roots.

What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?

What's the Blonde's cheer?
" I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
She realized she gave her last blowjob

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