WARNING:
The jokes you are about to read are for adults 18 years of age or older with a very strong stomach and a very strong heart. If you have a problem with issues of race, violence, pedophilia, cannibalism, feces, masturbation, mutilation of corpses, sadomasochism, sodomy, spousal abuse, or anything considered offensive or taboo by modern society... please click your back button and DO NOT READ ON. For everyone else, happy to be a part of this gutter called Earth...

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Joke of the Day Archives Page 3 (May 2002 - Jan 2003)

Wednesday January 1st, 2003
Why was George Michael caught in a compromising position in a men's bathroom?
Because his partner didn't wake him up before he went "go go." - M Hutchison, Oregon

Friday December 27th, 2002
There was a horny young lady named Lil,
Who fucked dynamite sticks for a thrill.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil! - Nathan K, Canada

Tuesday December 24th, 2002
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A Lickalottapuss. - Arose

Tuesday December 17th, 2002
What is the irritating part about a blonde's vagina?
The person it's attached to. - Nathan K, Canada

Saturday December 14th, 2002
How did they know Princess Di had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the trunk. - Dave R, New York

Thursday December 12th, 2002
Did you hear about the quadripolegic that tried swimming the English Channel?
He had to turn back because his ears were getting tired... - Les R, Vermont

Wednesday December 4th, 2002
What is the difference between mashed potatoes and pussy?
Mashed potatoes don't make their own gravy! - Nathan K, Canada

Monday November 24th, 2002
A woman walks into a gynecologist's office for an exam. She gets on the stirrups and the doctor says, "You have a really huge pussy. You have a really huge pussy."
The woman replies, "You didn't have to say it twice."
The doctor says, "I didn't". - Nathan K, Canada

Saturday November 15th, 2002
What do you do if your girlfriend is bad at fellatio?
Keep pounding it into her head. - Les R, Vermont

Friday October 25th, 2002
Why are blondes like cornflakes?
Because they're simple, easy, and they taste good. - Gary S, Maryland

Thursday October 24th, 2002
A female Police Officer pulls over a drunk driver. She says, "You are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you..."
The drunk interrupts, "Tits!". - Nathan K, Canada

Wednesday October 23rd, 2002
What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Being able to walk properly. - Paul S, Missouri

Tuesday October 22nd, 2002
What's the difference between a toilet and a woman?
A toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you drop your load in it. - Jose S, California

Monday October 21tst, 2002
How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper. - Meg & Laur, Florida

Sunday October 20th, 2002
Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out... - Lameass, Indiana

Saturday October 19th, 2002
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade. - Jeremy P, Iowa

Friday October 18th, 2002
Why did the blonde keep failing her Driver's exam?
Every time the door opened, she jumped in the backseat. - Grace, Florida

Thursday October 17th, 2002
Why does Buckwheat wash his clothes in Tide?
Because it's too told out tide. - Lanny, Ohio

Wednesday October 16th, 2002
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
One'll give you horrible sex, is outrageously expensive, and ultimately lead to your death, the other is a whore. - Taylor M, Wyoming

Tuesday October 15th, 2002
What do blondes put behind their ears to attract guys?
Their ankles. - Gena C, South Dakota

Monday October 14th, 2002
What do you call a blonde at 3am?
A cab if she swallowed. - Bob P, California

Sunday October 13th, 2002
What's the difference between a priest and a pedophile?
The Jail Time. - Karen D, Indiana

Saturday October 12th, 2002
Why did Mrs. Claus ask for a vibrator for Christmas?
Because Santa only comes once a year. - Trevor S, Colorado

Friday October 11th, 2002
Why do women have legs?
Because if they didn't, they would leave a snail trail. - Jason B, New Jersey

Thursday October 10th, 2002
What is the leading cause of chapped lips in Alaska?
Miniskirts. - Daniel W, Alabama

Wednesday October 9th, 2002
What's the difference between fuckin the blonde you're dating and owning a gun?
One has a "waiting period". - Geoff R, Idaho

Tuesday October 8th, 2002
What's the difference between "like" and "love"?
A spit or a swallow. - Terry G, Australia

Monday October 7th, 2002
What has four legs and barks?
Siamese twins doin' it doggystyle. - Nathan K, Canada

Sunday October 6th, 2002
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door. - Richard G, South Dakota

Saturday October 5th, 2002
How can you tell if a house has been built by lesbians?
It's all tongue-in-groove and no studs. - M. Hutchison, Oregon

Friday October 4th, 2002
What's the difference between a hooker and a computer?
A computer can take a 3 1/2 floppy. - Jill L, Wyoming

Thursday October 3rd, 2002
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." and a bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK! - Harry P, Texas

Wednesday October 2nd, 2002
What's the best part about having Alzheimer's?
Meeting new people everyday. - Jennifer B, Iowa

Tuesday October 1st, 2002
What's the difference between a blonde and a house with a privacy fence?
It takes longer to get in the house's back door. - Cindy H, Minneapolis

Monday September 30th, 2002
What's grosser than gross?
Popping a boner and running out of skin. - Helen T, Kansas

Sunday September 29th, 2002
Why did the whale puke after eating the submarine?
It was the first time she had ever swallowed seamen. - Anne M, Texas

Saturday September 28th, 2002
Did you hear about the condom that flew across the room?
It got pissed off. - Bob M, Indiana

Friday September 27th, 2002
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
Fuck it, the bitch can cook in the dark. - Tyrone B, California

Thursday September 26th, 2002
Why was the nasty German prostitute pleased to be upset?
She had been "pissed on" so much as of late, being "pissed off" was a pleastant change of pace... - Jeff B, Michigan

Wednesday September 25th, 2002
What was the first question OJ asked the prosecutors after he heard the verdict?
"Can I have my gloves back now?" - Jon A, California

Tuesday September 24th, 2002
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter". - Karen W, Ohio

Monday September 23rd, 2002
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A room full of 144 blondes. - Pam L, Iowa

Sunday September 22nd, 2002
Why is 68 the top speed for a blonde?
Because at 69, she'll blow a rod... - Debbie S, Washington

Saturday September 21st, 2002
What is grey and comes in quarts?
An elephant. - Carlos V, Washington

Friday September 20th, 2002
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it!!! - Andy W, Illinois

Thursday September 19th, 2002
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his sholder. The bartender says "What an exquisite creature! Where did you get it?"
"Africa." replied the parrot. - Gary C, Indiana

Wednesday September 18th, 2002
What's a wicker box?
That's what Elmer Fudd wanted to do to Madonna. - Cary W, Ohio

Tuesday September 17th, 2002
What do you say to a blonde that just won't give in?
"Have another beer." - Dana G, Washington

Monday September 16th, 2002
What do you call a lesbian with fingernails?
Single . - Nathan K, Canada

Sunday September 15th, 2002
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe. - Terry C, Illinois

Saturday September 14th, 2002
What do golf and sex have in common?
They're two things that you can enjoy even if you are lousy at both of them. - Ryan G, Wyoming

Friday September 13th, 2002
These two cannibals were eating a clown when one of them looks at the other and asks, "Does this taste kinda funny to you?" - Kim C, Texas

Thursday September 12th, 2002
What is one mile long and has an asshole right in the middle?
A radar trap. - Ryan C, Texas

Wednesday September 11th, 2002
Why are there lipstick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Because she can't stop blowing the horn. - Trent W, Michigan

Tuesday September 10th, 2002
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well hung. - Wallace D, Florida

Monday September 9th, 2002
What do you call a quadrapalegic in a swimming pool?
Fucked. - M Hutchison, Oregon

Sunday September 8th, 2002
How are a Kentucky tornado and a Tennessee divorce alike?
Someone is gonna lose a trailer. - Angel L, Kentucky

Saturday September 7th, 2002
What do you get when you cross a yeast infection with an achy breaky heart?
An itchy twitchy twat. - Art A, Ohio

Friday September 6th, 2002
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull. - Sparky C, Missouri

Thursday September 5th, 2002
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home?
She moved. - Mark F, Connecticut

Wednesday September 4th, 2002
What do you get when you put fifty lawyers in a room with fifty lesbians?
One hundred people who don't do dick. - Nathan K, Canada

Tuesday September 3rd, 2002
How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ear. - Amber C, Indiana

Monday September 2nd, 2002
This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says, "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth."
The woman then says, "Oooohhh, I'd rather have a baby!"
To which, the dentist replies, "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair." - Jeff S, Minnesota

Sunday September 1st, 2002
Why did Liberachi play the piano?
Because he sucked on the organ. - Patrick L, Michigan

Saturday August 31st, 2002
How can you tel if a blonde has been using the computer?
The joystick is wet. - John G, Maine

Friday August 30th, 2002
What's the difference between a job and a wife?
After five years, the job still sucks. - Barry D, Tennessee

Thursday August 29th, 2002
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She has to chew before she swallows. - Rod B, Texas

Wednesday August 28th, 2002
What two things in the air can make a girl pregnant?
Her legs. - Ravi K, New Jersey

Tuesday August 27th, 2002
Why did the redneck plant Cheerios in his garden?
He thought they were donut seeds. - Doug B, Iowa

Monday August 26th, 2002
What do you do when a Doberman Pinscher starts humping your leg?
Let him finish. - Jim F, Nebraska

Sunday August 25th, 2002
A husband walks into the bedroom naked and attempts to put the moves on his wife. "Sorry honey, I have a headache." she says.
"That's perfect. I just powdered my dick with aspirin, you want it orally or as a suppository?" he replies. - Carry M, New Hampshire

Saturday August 24th, 2002
What's the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?
The proctologist looks at assholes one at a time. - Nathan K, Canada

Friday August 23rd, 2002
How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
When you stick your hand in her pants it feels like you're feeding a horse. - Nathan K, Canada

Thursday August 22nd, 2002
Did you hear about the blonde who died of suffocation?
She locked herself in her car. - Wilbur H, New England

Wednesday August 21st, 2002
If a straight couple needs a wedding license to get married, what do lesbian couples need?
A licker license. - Nathan K, Canada

Tuesday August 20th, 2002
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling you name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. - Sarah L, Oregon

Monday August 19th, 2002
This guy died with an erection. It was too big for the mortician to put him in the coffin, so the wife told the mortician to cut it off and shove it up his ass. The mortician was reluctant, but did as the grieving spouse requested. The next day at the funeral, the wife saw a tear in her dead husband's eye. She bent over and said, "I told you it hurts you fuckin' bastard." - Taylor D, North Carolina

Sunday August 18th, 2002
Mickey and Minnie are in court getting a divorce, the Judge asks Mickey, "You say your wife is crazy?"
Mickey says, "No, I said she was fuckin' Goofy!" - Griffin P, Idaho

Saturday August 17th, 2002
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, that beer better be open by the time that bitch brings it! - Amal S, New York

Friday August 16th, 2002
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. - Rachel K, New Jersey

Thursday August 15th, 2002
How is Colonel Sanders like a typical male?
All he is concerned with are legs, breasts, and thighs. - Vincent P, New York

Wednesday August 14th, 2002
What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
His body. - Cindy M, Ohio

Tuesday August 13th, 2002
What is the difference between a ho and a rooster?
A rooster goes, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" and a ho goes, "Any cock'll do." - Mary E, Vermont

Monday August 12th, 2002
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass. - Doug H, Florida

Sunday August 11th, 2002
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them. - Terry A, Maine

Saturday August 10th, 2002
What do you call two skunks in a 69?
Odor Eaters. - Robert L, Texas

Friday August 9th, 2002
What did the blonde's right leg say to her left leg?
Nothing. They have never met. - Gary B, Nevada

Thursday August 8th, 2002
Two priests on a sinking ship. Someone yells, "Woman and children first!"
The first priest whispers to the other, "Fuck the children!"
The second priest replies, "I don't think we have time." - Bo T, Arkansas

Wednesday August 7th, 2002
What's long and hard that a Ukranian man gives his wife on their wedding night?
His last name. - Nathan K, Canada

Tuesday August 6th, 2002
What's the difference between a rectum and an asshole?
You can stick your finger in a rectum but you can put your whole arm around an asshole. - Rachel C, Pennsylvania

Monday August 5th, 2002
Why is a pussy like a toilet seat?
They both feel good, but you can't help wonder who was there before you. - Norman N, South Dakota

Sunday August 4th, 2002
How is a condom like a wife?
When they're not on your dick, they're in your wallet. - George M, Wyoming

Saturday August 3rd, 2002
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't cook, they eat out. - John C, Vermon

Friday August 2nd, 2002
A man was walking down the street and saw an Eskimo looking at his tire.
The man said, "You blow a seal?"
The Eskimo responded, "No, that's just frost in my mustache." - Nathan K, Canada

Thursday August 1st, 2002
What do you call a Russian Prostitute?
Onya Bakyabich. - Terry M, Peru

Wednesday July 31st, 2002
What do the Catholic Church and K-Mart have in common?
They both have little boys pants half off.

Tuesday July 30th, 2002
What's the worst thing about a lung transplant?
Coughing up someone else's phlegm. - Kenny E, Indiana

Monday July 29th, 2002
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope. - Devon D, Ohio

Sunday July 28th, 2002
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but it's cheap and spreads easy. - Angel F, Australia

Saturday July 27th, 2002
What's the difference between a clitoris and the TV Remote?
A guy'll spend an hour looking for the remote. - Longfellow G, Indiana

Friday July 26th, 2002
Why did God give blondes one more brain cell than horses?
So they wouldn't shit during parades. - Wilma R, Iowa

Thursday July 25th, 2002
How are women like rocks?
You skip the flat ones. - Rich G, Wisconsin

Wednesday July 24th, 2002
What do you call a window above a stove?
A woman's point of view. - Dave S, Pennsylvania

Tuesday July 23rd, 2002
What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day. - Devon D, Ohio

Monday July 22nd, 2002
Why did the husband stop having anal sex with his wife?
Every night it was the same shit. - Skip D, Oregon

Sunday July 21st, 2002
How can you tell if a girl is a redneck?
She can suck dick & chew tobacoo at the same time and no what to spit and what to swallow. - Jimmy A, Kentucky

Saturday July 20th, 2002
Why do dogs lick themselves?
Because they can't make a fist. - Keith B, Ohio

Friday July 19th, 2002
Why do blondes like convertibles?
More legroom. - Arthur M, North Carolina

Thursday July 18th, 2002
Why do you make more donating to a sperm bank than to a blood bank?
Sperm is handmade. - Daniel M, Minnesota

Wednesday July 17th, 2002
How do you give a dog a bone?
Tickle his balls. - Nathan K, Canada

Tuesday July 16th, 2002
High School Quaterback out on a date with the head Cheerleader. She says, "Can you take off your class ring? It's huring me."
He replies, "That's not my ring, it's my watch." - Steven T, West Virginia

Monday July 15th, 2002
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduces herself and goes home. - Carolyn M, Alabama

Sunday July 14th, 2002
Why don't blondes water ski?
Because when they get wet, they fall on their back. - Marty S, New Mexico

Saturday July 13th, 2002
What did Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?
Their last big hit was The Wall. - $cottie R, Ohio

Friday July 12th, 2002
What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme. - Greg F, Georgia

Thursday July 11th, 2002
What do you call a pig with a tiny dick?
Officer. - Daren S, Indiana

Wednesday July 10th, 2002
What do you call a German Proctologist?
Hans Zinderhol. - Kyle A, Ohio

Tuesday July 9th, 2002
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood, and urine tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour." - Nathan K, Canada

Monday July 8th, 2002
What would you call a girl who eats her mom and dad?
An Orphan. - Terry C, Wisconsin

Sunday July 7th, 2002
Why did the Polock piss on the park bench?
The sign said, "Wet Paint". - Gary F, Wyonming

Saturday July 6th, 2002
What should you give a man who has everything?
Penicillin. - Taylor K, Pennsylvania

Friday July 5th, 2002
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead. - Connor C, Canada

Thursday July 4th, 2002
What did Jesus say to the Apostles at the Last Supper?
"Get on this side of the table if you wanna be in the picture." - Tyrone A, New York

Wednesday July 3rd, 2002
How do you hide money from a redneck?
Put it under the soap. - $cottie R, Ohio

Tuesday July 2nd, 2002
What do you get when a 6-foot blonde bends over?
A 3-foot tall brunette! - Nathan K, Canada

Monday July 1st, 2002
What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz Cracker?
One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker. - Opie, Kentucky

Sunday June 30th, 2002
Why are the Olympics never held in Mexico City?
Because every Mexican who can run, jump, or swim, is already in the US. - Tarik N, New York

Saturday June 29th, 2002
What's brown and sticky?
A stick. - Connor C, Canada

Friday June 28th, 2002
Why did God create women?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet. - Jose S, California

Thursday June 27th, 2002
What do you do when an actor comes to your door?
Pay him and take your pizza. - Rod H, Missouri

Wednesday June 26th, 2002
Why do women smell like fish?
Because God made come look like tartar sauce. - Tyler M, Veront

Tuesday June 25th, 2002
Why don't they let blondes swim in the ocean?
They can't get the smell out of the tuna. - Nathan K, Canada

Monday June 24th, 2002
What would you call 3.14 vaginas?
Hair Pi. - Charlie O, Missouri

Sunday June 23rd, 2002
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
See you next month. - $cottie R, Ohio

Saturday June 22nd, 2002
Why doesn't a woman need an umbrella?
Because it never rains on her way from the bedroom to the kitchen. - Elizabeth M, Maryland

Friday June 21st, 2002
Why can't lawyers take Viagra?
It only makes them taller. - Lanny K., Ohio

Thursday June 20th, 2002
What's a yankee?
Same as a quickee, only you do it yourself. - Bridget M, Colorado

Wednesday June 19th, 2002
What do Gynecologists and dogs have in common.
Wet noses. - Tyson G, Vermont

Tuesday June 18th, 2002
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She has to chew before she swallows. - Mary R, Wisconsin

Monday June 17th, 2002
How can you tell when a Polish woman is done sucking cock?
She spits out the feathers. - Nathan K, Canada

Sunday June 16th, 2002
What do a Christmas tree and the Pope have in common?
The balls are just decoration. - Carrie T, North Dakota

Saturday June 15th, 2002
What's the difference between pink and purple?
Her grip. - Kyle W, Alabama

Friday June 14th, 2002
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"Aw, fuck it! We'll drink in the dark!" - Nathan K, Canada

Thursday June 13th, 2002
How can you tell if you've gotten a good blowjob?
You have to pull the sheets out of your ass! - Nathan K, Canada & Larry L, Michigan

Wednesday June 12th, 2002
One gay guy to another, "Why is your chest so hairy?"
The other replies, "Because I put vaseline on it every night."
The first one says, "That can't be why, otherwise, I'd have a ponytail growin' outta my ass." - Dan C, Alaska

Tuesday June 11th, 2002
What's more fun than nailing a cat to a wall?
Peeling it off. - Ben O, Australia

Monday June 10th, 2002
A lady walks into a sex store. "Where are the dildos?"
"On the wall over there." Answers the clerk.
She points, "I'll take that red one."
The salesman replies, "No, lady. The dildos are the ones next to the fire extinguisher." - Ivan B, Georgia

Sunday June 9th, 2002
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and one to suck my dick! - Nathan K, Canada

Saturday June 8th, 2002
What's a 6.9?
A good time interrupted by a period. - Larry L, Missouri

Friday June 7th, 2002
Why is sex such a difficult subject?
Because when it's not hard, it's impossible. - Aaron K, Kansas

Thursday June 6th, 2002
What's gross?
Giving your grandmother oral sex.
What's grosser than gross?
Hitting your head on the coffin lid afterwords. - Nathan K, Canada

Wednesday June 5th, 2002
What's more fun than swinging a cat around on a clothesline?
Stopping it with a baseball bat. - Ben O, Australia

Tuesday June 4th, 2002
When is it time for a guy to go to the dentist?
When it hurts to pull the hairs out of his teeth. - Josh G, Maine

Monday June 3rd, 2002
What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?
Way to go Team!! - Adriane N, Ohio

Sunday June 2nd, 2002
What's the most expensive thing in the world?
A girl who's free for the evening. - Dave C, Texas

Saturday June 1st, 2002
What did they call Pcahontas's gay brother?
Pokahiney. - George S, Nevada

Friday May 31st, 2002
When do men want sex twice?
Before they've had it once. - Gary M, Australia

Thursday May 30th, 2002
A woman gets pulled over for speeding, how fast was she going?
Who cares, what the fuck was she doing out of the kitchen? - VTECnicalAccord, Pennsylvania

Wednesday May 29th, 2002
What's more profitable, a one-story whorehouse or a two-story whorehouse?
A one-story whorehouse, because there's no fuckin' overhead! - Debbie S, Washington

Tuesday May 28th, 2002
How can you make a pussy talk?
Put a tongue in it. - Terence P, Indiana

Monday May 27th, 2002
When do cannibals leave the table?
When everyone's eaten. - Jack R, Wyoming

Sunday May 26th, 2002
What do you call a gay Jewish man?
Heblew. - Nolan B, Florida

Saturday May 25th, 2002
How many Vietnam Vets does it take to change a light bulb?
You don't know! You weren't there! - Bob G, Maine

Friday May 24th, 2002
Why doesn't a woman need a wristwatch?
Because there is a clock on the stove. - VTECnicalAccord, Pennsylvania

Thursday May 23rd, 2002
How do you break a Polock's neck while he's drinking?
Slam the toilet seat down. - Nolan B, FL

Wednesday May 22nd, 2002
What do you call a man with his hand up the ass of a horse?
An Amish Mechanic. - Apaulo

Tuesday May 21st, 2002
What's the definition of alimony?
It's the fucking you get for the fucking you got. - Maurice H., Kansas

Monday May 20th, 2002
Husband says to his wife jokingly, "If your tits could give milk, we could get rid of all the cows, and if your pussy could lay eggs, we could get rid of all the chickens..."
She pipes in, "well, if you could get it up, we could get rid of the pool boy." - Gloria E, California

Sunday May 19th, 2002
In Kentucky, a young man is consulting his father on whether or not to ask his girlfriend to marry him, "She's even a virgin, pop! Whadda ya think dad?"
The redneck father thinks for a second then sternly replies, "Well, son, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she damn sure ain't good enough for ours!" - Ryan S, Texas

Saturday May 18th, 2002
A farmer tired of his melons getting stolen, posts a sign stating, "One of these melons is poisonous, figure out which!"
The next day he returns, and his sign is changed, "Two of these melons are poisonous, figure out which!" - Karen M, Nebraska

Friday May 17th, 2002
What can a bird do that a man can't?
Whistle through his pecker. - Nolan B, Florida

Thursday May 16th, 2002
How many male shovenists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Screw it, let the dumb bitch cook in the dark. - VTECnicalAccord, Pennsylvania

Wednesday May 15th, 2002
What do Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both stick 30 year old meat between 12 year old buns. - Sean B

Tuesday May 14th, 2002
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway. - Elaine C, Georgia

Monday May 13th, 2002
What's the quickest way to make a woman cum?
As if I give a fuck? - Joshua K, Oregon

Sunday May 12th, 2002
What do you say to a woman with no arms or legs?
Nice tits. - Nolan B, Florida

Saturday May 11th, 2002
Why do Italian guys grow mustaches?
So they can look more like their mothers. - Joshua S, Pennsylvania

Friday May 10th, 2002
What do 30,000 battered women have in common?
They just don't listen. - Sozna

Thursday May 9th, 2002
How does a blonde turn the light on after sex?
She opens the car door. - VTECnicalAccord, Pennsylvania

Wednesday May 8th, 2002
What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
One's a Goodyear & the other is a fuckin' fantastic year! - Sam D, Iowa

Tuesday May 7th, 2002
What is the best way for a nun to get laid?
Dress up like an alter boy. - Jason A, Michigan

Monday May 6th, 2002
What is the difference between a female jogger and Ross Perot?
Ross Perot is a cunning runt. - Kyle G, California

Sunday May 5th, 2002
A guy runs in yelling, "Pack your bags, honey! I just won the lottery!"
She says, "Wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the slopes?!?"
He replies, "I don't care, just get the fuck out!" - Toby R, UK

Saturday May 4th, 2002
What's the difference between driving and getting head?
When you're driving, you can only hold one beer. - Lisa K, Minnesota

Friday May 3rd, 2002
Why don't women need umbrellas?
It doesn't rain in the kitched. - Brendan B, Wisconsin

Thursday May 2nd, 2002
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the jaw. - Nolan B, Florida

Wednesday May 1st, 2002
What do you get with a room full of rednecks?
One complete set of teeth! - Will R, Florida

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